jenism

1:02am: 53 weeks
Apparently, it's been 53 weeks since I've posted. Bloody well time enough, now isn't it!

1:21am: Real Estate it up, yo !

So... I have started reviewing what all is involved with my real estate course. ew. Laws.Contracts.Laws.Contracts *blegh*.... god... I have not even started and I am already wishing I was done! So far I have made a comprehensive list of all the school/office supplies I need!!! That’s got me excited!!!! Cannot WAIT to hit office depot! I was reviewing the seminars that are available to all students and have decided I should check out the one particular series that is only offered in Vancity at UBC. And just guess what the subject is!!!!! Are you ready? MATH! Woot! Fuck. Math was one of my worst subjects! Thank god one of my sisters is a math wiz and can re-teach me the basics of algebra! God..... What the fuck am I doing? I am an Arts major!!! As in literature, history, philosophy, civilization, language, culture, NOT math, algebra and sciences! Ack! I feel very shaky and insecure going into this.... but... if I don’t step outta my comfort zone then I will never grow! Fuck... I am trying to look at it as I am learning something totally new to me. Something that is so far removed from my scope of knowledge.... it's a challenge, and I am one smart cookie whose brain has not be academically stretched in a loooong time!

 

Ack

 

Anywhoodle... I just had to vent.... I felt a wee bit o' panic sweeping over me... but now feel mo' betta. Just thinking of all the snazzy new highlighters, colour-coordinated binders, pens, tabs and flash cards I can have!!! *drool*

2:11am: i should be packing... or meditating
I move in 9 days. I have not packed a thing. Instead of packing I am here. Online. Wondering why the fuck my internet feels the need to drop out constantly. Sometimes it makes me want to burn the house down. Sometimes. Other times I just curse loudly then do something productive. Like interact with my cats.

So, tonight, I am here online when I should be packing because I have so many thoughts and feelings flowing through me. I woke up today to a Sly cat that wanted to cuddle. I love waking up slowly… especially when I have someone warm and fluffy to spoon with. It is rare when that one wants to be affectionate, so I take it when it occurs. I found myself lying there with him tucked into my armpit purring his little kitty face off thinking about all the things that could do with the day… all the things I should do with the day and all the things I definitely would consider as essential to do today. We only crawled out from under the sea of blankets, pillows and cat fur once we had consumed all the oxygen from the air under the blankets.

Today I didn’t do much. I move in 9 days and I just had two days off. I accomplished two things in regards to moving: 1) I booked the van and 2) I got a few boxes. Fucking hell.

Then I went shopping. Then to Shane Koyczan – which inspired me to sit down and start writing. Then Natters appeared online… all the way from Thailand. We discussed the merits of mediation and yoga over psychology, the wisdom in choosing your path in life instead of just stumbling along and letting chance determine where your life ends up, the choice to remain childless, how to practice non-attachment and still life in this world.

My mind won’t stop! Thoughts, feelings, judgements, emotions, memories roll through it like a New York Subway train. Every moment on the moment – just like clockwork. I know what that means. I need to meditate. I need to shut off my thoughts. Thoughts prevent us from being in the moment and truly experiencing right now.

I feel like I have so very much I want to write down…. And if I don’t get it all out tonight, will it be lost forever? And if so, does it really matter? Does it make my feelings any less so if I don’t write them down? Hmm. I should sleep on that.

3:39am: yeah backstreet boys

"yeah backstreet boys" on Google Video
i laugh sooooo hard it hurts when i see this

2:55am: cause i have nothing else to be doing with only 2 days b4 xmas....
WITH 2006 COMING TO AN END HAVE YOU:

1. Have you had any relationships this year?
Relationships… how about the “lying son of a bitch that feels no remorse and is so narcissistic that he believes you should be thankful for his time with you even though he cheated on yer arse by not telling his former girlfriend that you were together and crawled into bed with her every morning that you dropped him off at his old place then proceeded to knock her up and made plans with her to ditch you while you were at your uncle’s funeral” kind of relationship? If that is the kind of relationship we are talking about, then yes, I have had one of those this year!!!!

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
International Jen Day is May 23rd

3. Cried yet?
See question one

4. Been on a diet?
ummm no…I don’t “do” diets.

5. Pulled an all nighter?
I am sure there are one or two of those chalked up in 2006

6. Drank Starbucks?
Yeah… i know….

7. Went Camping?
Does 1 week in the middle of the freakin Nevada desert count? Hells YEA!

8. Bought something(s)?
god… I wonder

9. Met someone special?
my friends are all very special to me

10. Been out of state?
yup yup

11. Gone Snowboarding?
not yet. After xmas big white-out and I have a cool date!

12. What are you thinking about?
how many more gifts i have to wrap

HAVE YOU:

1.) Hugged someone?
Mais oui
In the last ten minutes?
yes. 2 loverly furry boys!!!!

2.) Slept in someone elses bed?
Yes indeedy!

3.) Drank any alchohol?
my liver would say yes to this one

4.) Loaned out money?
nope

5.) Gotten in a car accident?
yup… and the dear didn’t win!

6.) Gone over your cell phone bill?
and thank goodness I did! Those motha fuckers were overcharging me for 6 months! evil Bell!

7.) Been called a whore?
Yes… also a homewrecker, liar, manipulator, faker, evil, bitch, drama queen, over reactioonary, heartless, incapable of feelings, deserving of more pain, inconsiderate, selfish, rude. (again see question one)…. But at least neither of them could never accuse ME of being fat, stupid or ugly.
in the last ten minutes?
Not that I am aware of...

8.) Done something you regret?
NOT. ONE. THING. I am a sum of my moments. Each moment has led to a moment that has brought me here. I am wiser, more conscious, more grounded, self knowledgeable and self aware then I was previously this year and for that I am thankful and can therefore regret nothing. Wisdom is seldom achieved without growth and growth by its very nature is painful.

Last Person you hugged?
Alisha… she’s da bestest!

Last Person to call you?
Mummy!

When was the last time you felt stupid?
A couple of days ago – for a moment or two. And then I gave my head a shake and told the person who was telling me to question myself to take a flying leap.

Who was the last person you danced with?
Sly – my cranky little cat

Who did you last yell at?
a customer… I yelled out “happy holidays!”

What did you do today?
Work it. Currently taking a break from prezzy wraping


TEN FACTS:

01. Hometown?
Penticton, BC.

02. Natural hair color?
Dark brown.

03. Initials?
JAA

04. Hair style?
ummmmmm….. longish….

5. eye color?
Blue-grey baby.

06. Height:
five feets, half an inch!

07. Pets:
Sly(bert) & Gus(sy-bo-bussy)

08. Mood:
’cited… my faggot comes in two days and I gets to see my ‘phews soon!

09. Where would you rather be?
in a hot tub with a beautiful, muscually man rubbing my feet…. Hmmm.. wonder what that big redneck is doing right now… hmmm.. yummy

10. Last thing you drank:
baily’s & soy nog

EMOTIONS:

01. Are you missing someone right now?
nope

02. Are you happy?
Doing purdy alright.

04. Do you like someone right now?
Do I ever! ME!!! And let me tell you. That rocks!

2:14am: they are driving me crazy!
My throat is sore from screaching "MITTENS!" and "STOP IT!" at the top of my lungs as the bloody cats race around the house! I squirt water in vain in an attempt to get them to stop fighting.... for just 15 continous minutes! Seriously! Driving me batty!

4:41am: Winter Wonderland
snow + sub zero temps = good photo ops.

4:33am: She's back!
Finally! I am back on line! woot woot!

It has been too bloody long, Damn it feels good to be back online. Lots of changes in the past few months. LOTS.

I'm still at the Bean, still loving my kick assed appartment, still broke, still studying Buddhism, still loving sleeping in my new sooper dooper deluxe on-sale-cause-it-was-last-years-model queen sized bed, still have Sly - you might even say there is more of him! Have gone through, back to and still dabble with a big redneck that drives a jacked up truck with huge tires for mud bogging, still working on my sleeves, back to staying up well past a "reasonable" hour and waking up at an equally "unreasonable" hour, still not riding my broken down scooter, still unable to keep the dishes under control even tough i have a dishwasher, still drinking gin & tonic however am in search of a delicious "winter" drink that doesn't involve wine, dairy or excessive sweetness - might have to rock tequilla for the winter if I dont find a suitable winter season bevvy, still love the smell of lavander, the soccer mom van still sits in my driveway, Still havent finished any of the projects I started years ago save one - after buying it 8 years ago and moving it around with me, I have finally put up the "self groomer" thingy that you screw onto the wall about a foot up from the floor and stuff with catnip so that the cats rub against it and comb themselves.... all my cats do is lick the tiny holes to try to get some catnip... no self grooming witnessed. Still haven't finsihed unpacking and settling in.... still being me.

New stuff:
-I do have a new hole in my face & have long hair
-I have added Gus, Gus-gus-Bo-Bus-Banana-Fana-Bo-Bus-Gus, Gussy-bo-bussy, New Kitty, Kitty-bo-biddy, Gus-Gus to the famdamily (in the middle of October)
-I bought my first major household appliance a couple days ago. Yup, I now own a washing machine and no longer have to spend $100 a month at the laundrymat. Of course that means that I will no longer be making new spin cycle friends, but I can always get my dose of these people by walking thruogh Narc Park!
-An obsession with CSI: (Los Vegas). Geoge Eads (Nick Stokes) is my new TV boyfriend.
-Have discovered the "teacup latte". Doodle made one for me and I have been drinking them ever since.
-Moved from english toffee to vanilla bean and onto real maple syrup as the flava of choice for the 2nd latte of the day.
-My bike is done

ahhh... life. The dips and turns it takes you on.

10:43pm: forever and a day
since i last updated... fucking no internet hell!

ok... am headin to the burn again this year..... wish me luck!

11:55am: we got a piper down!
ok kiddies... it will be ok. at least, this is what i am telling myself. i am goin to be internet less for a couple of weeks while i do the move thang.

hang in there. i will be back - with a vengence!

12:35am: Another sunday, another ride
Pics from Sunday's Ride

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42846181@N00/

Ride brought to you by: Low Joes Custom Cycles

http://www.lowjoescustomcycles.com/

12:10am: new digs... new chapter
it's about that time. with all the change that has been goin on, it's time for one more big one. I move in a few days. to my first "grown up" appartment. well... i mean, this one i am in is a bit of a grown up place... but not like the next one. it's a new era on so many levels for me. and new digs are appropriate at this time in my life. it's the first place to have more then two rooms, ie: a bedroom & living area & that is about it. This place has: 1 large bedroom, a HUGE living room, a dining room (read yoga & mediation area), a nook/office and of course a (large) kitchen and bath. Then there are the 2... not one, but TWO patios! yup. mama's goin big time!

i cannot wait to get in and settled. then i can start building my furnature collection... it'll take me a bit to get it to where i want it... but i can totally envision a rad, eclectic pad! a little bit of art deco, a little 50's, a few antiques... some colour! and shazam! Jen's rocking Tree House!!! that's the nick name it has... already a nick name. I leave Jen's Country Retreat to go to the Tree House. Back home in van i had the Den Down Below and the Palace in the Sky aka place with the the Sweedish Sauna lobby!

More pics will come as i get em... and once i get the internerd up and running there. ack! i may be worldwidewebless for a couple days! ack!

12:02am: 9 more sleeps
until International Jen Night! woot! 32 years and still going strong! ye-haw!

ok

so.... am moving over the next couple of days... wish me luck! should be all moved in by Wed. wow. crazy. a whole new chapter to start! I am excited. New appt, new job (well, old but new!) It's official: I am back at the Bean! I start full time on my b-day week!! I gots laid off from the Geeks this week - which is GREAT cause i was ready to go postal anyways....

totally forgot the real reason i logged in and wanted to update... meh..


what can ya do!

2:04pm: WORLDS SHORTEST FAIRY TALE:
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said,
NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,
camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook and
farted whenever she wanted.
THE END

9:29am: The ultimate dating question
I asked the boys at work:

“What is it with guys & choosing psycho women?”

“It’s like extreme Sports & the adrenalin rush of pushing the edge and not knowing what’s gunna happen next… think of it as Extreme Dating.”

Goddess! With this mindset, it's no wonder all us good womyn are single!

9:47pm: Kurtis suprized me. i go for a coffee run & to do a deposit and i come back to AOE III sitting on my desk!

*bouncing with joy*

yeah, my geeks rocks!

6:29pm: Good day!
Yea!

Reasons I enjoyed today:
-Talked to Christine for 2.5 hrs and got some amazing perspective which got my head outta the fog
-Tal & I went for a drive out to Armstrong on a photoshoot journey & ended up just chatting and taking a few pics
-Started the planting prep for my pots & garden
-Feed the cows with all the crabgrass I pulled outta the garden
-Am heading out to Vixn's b-day diner (best be getting in the shower and getting ready!)
-One more sleep before I have my first official shift @ the Bean - and I realized I forgot to get balloons & party hats - ACK! I'll just wear my tierra

3:04pm: git riddy
My triumphant return is upon us!

I want a parade, a marching band, and hot, muscly, scantily clad men everywhere!

Balloons and party hats will be supplied… all you have to do is bring yourself!

This Sunday, 7am-1pm or so… be at the Bean for my homecoming!

10:48pm: ink it up! Stage 4!
Finally, i get a shot up. This is from my last session on Saturday. Totally missed taking any shots of the last round last month. Oopsie! what can ya do!!?!?!?

The pic isnt the best, but it's a pic. A little dry, blury and well... it's still fresh, it's late and i just wanted to get somfin up here!

11:28pm: my new favourite quote
"the physical side was always, well, we could take it or leave it. it was pleasant enough. but the intimacy was stunning!"
-kevin kline's character of Cole Porter in Delovely

1:02am: My new slogan
Jen: The Other White Meat

checkout yours:
http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

11:08pm: stoopid internet quizes

You scored as Drama nerd. </td> Drama nerd 81% Geek 56% Punk/Rebel 50% Ghetto gangsta 38% Stoner 38% Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 31% Goth 25% Loner 19% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

9:28pm: i love suprises
not the kind of suprises kevin dropped on me 3 weeks ago!

i'm talking the kind that happened tonite! ALI is in town! i got to go for dinner with her. such a wonderful, strong, beautiful, smart, postitive, loving, supportive, enouraging, understanding, amazing woman!!!!! i MISS you!

thank you for coming today - of all days. and turning things around for me. to see your smile was such a wonderful gift! i honour you Alison, thank-you for being in my life!

9:24pm: i do believe
that it is megan's b-day today...

Happy B-day Megan!

11:15pm: new ink = happy jen!
What a day! I am EXHAUSTED! I do believe that today I will be sleeping more then 6.5hrs - first time in a loooong time! Since the day of the trial, where I was so exhausted i slept for 7.75 hrs, I do believe!

First off, my arm looks rad! i LOVE the colour in it. I will post some pics.... aw fuck it... I’m too tired to take & post pics right now.

It was a good session. Joey & Ashley came with me and chilled for a while. Then Sammy & Dickie & Joey stopped by on a bike ride - Rob and i took Sammy's and Dickie's bikes out for a little spin. Rob and I had a good chat. He made me laugh - a LOT, which is what I need right now. Then Bonefinder came up and gave me a "happy break-up gift” of a rubber skirt for fetish nites! woot woo! Then she & I went for Sushi & had a good chat - THANKS Bonefinder, you rock! I’m really enjoying gettin to know you!

I am so stoked on the colour - it looks amazing… I cannot wait to see it once it heals & the inflammation & redness calms down! My arm is puffed up like a balloon right now.

I sat for 3 hours - THREE WHOLE HOURS! Me, little no pain tolerance Jen, 3 hrs!!! I am proud of me! It hurt like a mother fucker, esp when he went strait from the ditch to the wrist, but hey… it’s a good pain.

It was challenging being there and having to ignore someone who was once the biggest part of my life. But I got through it. It just didn’t seam right that I cannot share this with him… but I guess that is how things need to be. I have no idea how he feels about things… we cannot talk anymore. Mostly because I don’t know if I can believe him, but also because he is not allowed to communicate with me. Ah well, I guess things are as they need to be. It’s not for me to understand, I didn’t choose this path, he did. It just seams silly to behave this way. I’m coming to a level of acceptance - I’m still not happy about it, but the Universe always provides. And if there is this big of a hole, I know She is gunna make sure it gets filled with nuffin’ but goodness!